Purpose Undefined

My mind was very erratic yesterday, thoughts swirling around a mile a minute, a bit jumbled up and fleeting. In a moment of supreme clarity, I realize there are things around me and within that need some tweaking.  

I have come to the conclusion that the majority of my "friendships" have no substance to them what-so-ever.  Apart from the two or three gems I've found along the way, the rest are inconsequential.  We share no common interests, hobbies or even principles and that is a problem for me.  I'm over the "some things never change, here we go again" ridiculousness of it all. There is a lyric that puts it into perspective for me and it's "keep on doing the same thing, and you're expecting change, is that really insanity, or just a losing game".  It's time to move on to bigger and better things.  Speaking with my best friend last night expressing these things to her for her to help me deal with my "crazy", she says "we don't really share the same interests".  I ponder this for a simple second and tell her "we're different", as cliche' as it sounds, she's my oldest and dearest friend and yet, despite not sharing many common interests, our souls just belong together.  That's a friendship with substance, one that can go long periods of time without speaking, yet when I'm feeling angry, down, sad, confused or happy it only takes a few minutes of conversation before the calm spreads and I realize that I'm a lucky girl.  It's time to start expanding my social circle to find other souls that my soul can't do without!  

For as long as I can remember I've always been passionate about music and writing.  Somewhere along the road, the writing fell off and I think it's time to get it back.  The music...it's tough to explain, there are those who get it and those that just don't.  The power of music rests in its ability to reach inside and touch the places where the deepest cuts lie.  A good song should move you to your core, change your mood, it should make you feel like you can fly, and every once in a while you will stumble upon a song that will change your life.  A new friend and I are planning a trip to go see some local bands play at a lounge or club, and I think it's just what I need!  I have put off a lot of the things I've always wanted to do, so it's about that time to step up and reclaim them. 

That's all for now, I shall leave you will a few of my favorite songs currently rotating on my playlist.  Definitely worth a listen!

"Dear God" ~ Avenged Sevenfold

"Cosmic Love" ~ Florence and The Machine

"Home" ~ Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros 

A Firefighter's Wife

HERO ~ A man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities ~

SACRIFICE ~ the surrender of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim ~

A typical Sunday night, lounging around watching Army Wives with my husband, only he's got his scanner turned up loudly and I can't hear my show!!  He says 22's are jobbin' as if that is going to make his scanner any less annoying.  He gets up and gets dressed to head to the firehouse because he thinks they will get called to help.  He gives me a kiss and heads out the door.  There is an apartment complex on fire with reports of screaming from inside.  It is when he leaves the house that my anxiety starts to slowly build.  I do some laundry, finish watching my shows, and then get a notification on my phone that they are responding to the fire.  The anxiety builds a little higher.  I start getting text messages from some friends who have heard about the fire asking me if I've heard about it and I tell them yes, my husband is there.  I putz around waiting to hear that my hubby is safe and sound and on his way home, but the call never comes.  I fall asleep sometime after 2:00 am, and when I wake in the morning, I am relieved to see he is sleeping like a baby!  Thank God.

I couldn't even begin to explain the calling my husband has for firefighting.  I would do it no justice, of this I am sure of.  I, myself, don't fully understand what makes a person want to run into a burning building, or what makes a person put their life on the line for a complete stranger.  

It is his job.  It is his passion.  It's in his blood.  

People constantly say "I don't know how you do it".  The worrying.  The time he is away from home.  The "up and leave" at any time of any day.  The danger. 

The answer is: He's my husband, so it's my job.  He's my passion, and  I fully support him.  

Being a Firefighter's wife isn't an easy job.  It requires selflessness, sacrifice, composure, tolerance, empathy and mercy.  It is a lot of time spent alone, a lot of rearranged plans, a lot of waiting around and a lot of apprehension.  It's a lot of navy blue T-shirts with fire department logos on them.  It's birthdays celebrated at the firehouse.  It's way too many conversations about accidents, hostage situations, brush fires, house fires, car fires and wires.  It's fun Superbowl parties, holiday parties with fireworks, and weddings filled with rowdy firefighters.  It's meeting friends you will have for a lifetime.  It's a shared bond. It's a lifestyle. 

My husband is a Volunteer Firefighter.  He is strong, courageous, fearless, brave, adventurous, dependable, and steadfast.  I am a Volunteer Firefighter's wife, and I fully support my husband, through the good times and bad because that is what I want to do.  

  

My Bridal Party

Incomparable ~ So outstanding as to be beyond comparison.

My bridal party consists of the most wonderful girls I have ever met!  I am beyond lucky to have them in my life and I am honored to have them participate in my wedding!  I'm going to pay homage to them in this post in no particular order.  Thank you girls for all of your help, love, encouragement and patience!  Xoxoxo

Sue ~ My Maid of Honor, my best friend in the world!!  There are hardly words to express how much she means to me!  I have been friends with Sue for eleven years and when we met, we disliked each other!  We both worked at Linens N Things and over time we developed a friendship that is unbreakable.  I told her of the troubles I was having at home and she offered her couch to me.  The next day I showed up at her door step with my laundry basket and the rest is history!  We have a million funny stories, inside jokes and memories that to most would not be funny, but to us are hilarious!  The day she asked me to be her daughters Godmother was one of the best days of my life!  The day in the delivery room as my Goddaughter was born, was one of the scariest days of my life!  Hahaha.  We have had our ups and downs over the course of our friendship, however, I know I can always count on her ear to listen and her shoulder to cry on if needed.  No one knows me better, no one loves me more, no one can replace her! 

Nicole ~ Girlfriend of Hadji.  I met Nicole through my friend Bill and we instantly became friends.  Nicole is one of the kindest people I know, she doesn't have a mean bone in her body!  We have a lot of fun together every week!  She created "Wedding Wednesday" for all things wedding related.  We share "TV Thursday" as well, where we watch Vampire Diaries and Jersey Shore.  Nicole and I disagree on most things, she is a Cowgirls fan and I am an Eagles fan, she loves Stefan and I love Damon, she hates Jersey Shore and I love it.  Despite our "bickering", she has become a wonderful friend to me and I appreciate the time she spends with me making me laugh!!  

Caitlyn ~ Oh my dearest Caite, where to begin.  When I first met Caite she was friends with my fiance.  I hated her.  No need to get into the past so we will fast forward a few years and now Caite is a very important part of my life!  We both matured a lot over time and grew a great friendship that we are both proud of!  Caite is one of the most generous people I have ever met!  She is ALWAYS trying to help me in some way, "let me get this for you" and "let me buy this for you" and she is always there if I need her (except for paranormal activity 2)!  All kidding aside, Caite has turned out to be an amazing friend and I am so thankful that we have the friendship we have now.  She is my fiance's best friend but she has become one of mine as well!  She is the easiest bridesmaid ever too!!!! 

Sharon ~ My future sister in law!  Sharon and I have really had our ups and downs over the past nine years!  We have gone from being close to hating each other and back!  It's been an interesting run with her, but she really is the most kind-hearted person I know!  Every time I have ever asked her for anything, she goes above and beyond for me!  She is very opinionated and I love that about her.  She has been wonderful helping me plan wedding stuff, making appointments for me and driving me an hour away to buy the dress of my dreams!  I will be proud to call her my sister!!  Sharon has been through a lot lately and my goal is to try to make her forget all of that bad and look towards all the good that this world has to offer her!

Chrystal ~  We have been friends the longest, since we were in high school!  We had some really fun times when we were younger.  Through the years life has taken us in different directions, but we still remained friends.  She just had her first baby, Gabriel who I am so excited to meet!  I know she is going to be the greatest mother!  I am honored she wants to take time out of her busy schedule to help me with my wedding!  Chrys is one of the funnest people I know, always there to cheer you up with a good laugh!  We have been through some interesting things growing up, and I'm so glad we have remained friends for all this time!!  

This is my bridal party and I could not be more honored that these amazing woman are going to stand by me on the most important day of my life!  Thanks girls, I love you all!!

New Music Friday

"Music and rhythm find their way into the secret places of the soul" ~ Plato

Here are a few of the songs I am loving this week!

1. The Church and the River by Jennifer O'Connor
2. Alien by Cary Brothers
3. Factory by Band of Horses
4. Lost by Aqualung
5. Please don't go by Mike Posner
6. Firework by Katy Perry
7. The End by Kings of Leon
8. Wires by Athlete

Those songs made it onto my MP3 player this week along with a few others.  I'm not sure anyone really cares what new music I like, but there is something about music that makes me happy.  I enjoy sharing my happiness with others and can can only hope that one of these songs speaks volumes to someone listening to it for the first time!  

Happy Friday!

Thursdays Things That I Love!

I have completely stolen this idea from my wonderful coworker who stole it from someone else!

Every Thursday I am going to try to blog about what I am loving at the moment!

1) Today I am loving that after my complete lunch fail, my hubs brought me a salad works salad and iced tea to my work because I was hungry and had nothing to eat!  Thanks Paulicimo!!!  Xoxo <3

2) I am loving that fact that I am going out tomorrow night for a "girls night" with my future sister in law and one of my bridesmaids!!  My hubs is doing a bunk-in crew at the firehouse so he's sleeping there.  I was feeling slightly bummed that I would be home all alone bored on a Friday night and then my girls invited me to go hang out with them!!!  I would love  it more if I could convince them to go see Paranormal Activity 2 with me after dinner and drinks, but I'm not having any luck!!  

3) I'm loving how the girls in my bridal party are so excited to be helping me plan my wedding!  I love all their opinions and ideas as they inspire me to dream bigger than I could on my own!

4) I love how my Goddaughter told me last night that she is being Gene Simmons for Halloween!  She is only four years old, yet she has the  best ideas and she is so creative!  She makes me laugh more than anyone else possible could!  She has a little bit of a "devil" side to her, and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that about her!  She's like a little mini me!  I love my bff for sharing one of the most precious parts of herself with me by allowing me to participate in her daughters life!

5) I love the fact that I have work "Email and IM buddies"!  My day at work would really be unbearable if I didn't have Caitlyn and Sharon to IM and Bill to Email all day about stupid stuff!  I love that they don't mind putting up with all of my "I'm so tired", "I wish it was 5", "I hate my job" and "I'm bored"'s all throughout the week!!  

6)  Last, but certainly not least, I love the fact that filming for The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn has started!!!!  It's going to be over a year before the first movie comes out, but I am really excited for it!!!!!  I get to resume my online stalking of Robert Pattinson!!  

Happy Thursday to the three people who are reading this!!!!!!!!  Hahaha.

Insignificant

There is a piece of paper hanging on the wall next to my desk, that to most, is imperceptible.   The words on this piece of paper were written by my son when he was six years old.  It reads: I love you by Paul to Mommy.   This tattered piece of paper is a masterpiece.

There is a song playing in my ear with a catchy beat and a beautiful voice singing words that weigh a ton.

There is a tree near to where I am standing, blowing around aimlessly in the wind.  The tree is in the middle of a transformation.  Some of the leaves are different shades of the same color, some a different color all together, unsure what colors should be.

There is me, typing letters on a keyboard.  Letters forming words that are insignificant.  There is no rhyme or reason for this post, no big reveal at the end.  Just words.

Wedding Wednesday!

I haven't posted a blog in a long time!  I'm trying to get back into the swing of things.  To start I figured I would post a few pictures of some cool things I have found in my wedding search!

First, my FAVORITE dress!  I am going to try it on this weekend and I can't wait!!

Here are a few centerpiece ideas that I really like!

Finally, the coolest "Save the Date or Bridal Shower" invitations!

I will be posting more of the ideas that I like over the next ten months leading up to my wedding, and I will post what I actually decide on!